Finally Getting Fit

I Confess

Posted on: August 2, 2011

True Confessions

I’m tired of fighting this “get slim” battle. I don’t know that it’s worth it. I know that I don’t want to dedicate that much time to all the work-outs. I’m really bad at self-motivating. I like what I like and want what I want and sometimes what I want doesn’t mesh with any kind of long term weight-loss goals.

I know that I will look better if I dropped about 50 pounds but honestly I don’t if it will make me FEEL better.  Right now it’s a struggle just to crawl out of the bed and shuffle across the floor. Once I get going it’s better but damn, people…. this middle age sliding into old age stuff is not for the weinees.  It’s tough and depressing.  My back aches, my joints hurt, my feet feel like they’re swollen and ready to explode.  (I’m not asking for diagnoses here, I’m just bitching and complaining, okay?)

Will losing weight make that go away? I seriously doubt it.  But I could be surprised.

My goals are really much more physical.

I want to run a half marathon. I’m up to 7 miles so far 🙂  I’ll be running the half in November. I’ve already paid.

I want to run. I want to be able to tie on shoes and just fly like the wind.

I want to dance. I want to be able to do level changes without my knees locking up. I want to do deep lay-backs and be able to get up out of them. I want to be graceful. (I just don’t want to look like a whale while I do it but I have seen plenty of “fat” dancers who are just as beautiful and graceful as thin dancers.)

I feel like these are all far away wishes sometimes. They don’t have to be but right now, this minute, they seem impossible.  Twenty minutes from now my outlook could change completely. I would love to be mentally normal, too.

So, that is my confession. I am tired. I am so incredibly tired. yet sleep and rest and comfort elude me. I just want to give up.




1 Response to "I Confess"

This weight loss business is cyclical just like everything else in life. Sometimes I could just scream thinking about having to track my food. And sometimes I stop for a while. I know you’ve been this as advice to others before, but I’m a true believer that no matter what the best plan of attack is to simply do the next best thing in the next moment. It’ll get you to those goals.

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Debra ~ Getting healthy from the inside out.

The Starting Line

November 2, 2009 Weight: 202.6 lbs BMI 37.28

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